Kabbalas Shabbos: All for One and One for All?

Is Kabbalas Shabbos a family affair? Does a mother’s candle lighting in the home obligate the entire family? Does the father’s Kabbalas Shabbos in shul impact on the family at home?

The Shulchan Aruch^[1] cites a tradition from the Behag that upon lighting the candles, women accept Shabbos upon themselves. However, he then cites a dissenting view, that Shabbos acceptance happens when Borchu is said. The Rema accepts the opinion of the Behag and it is for this reason that the Rema^[2] writes that unlike most mitzvos, where the bracha is said prior to performing the mitzvah, when lighting candles women say the bracha after lighting. Magen Avraham^[3] explains that Shabbos acceptance is set into motion upon lighting and reciting the bracha, thus the Rema writes that the candles should be lit before the bracha.^[4] While it is very apparent that the Ashkenazi custom is to assume that Shabbos is accepted upon lighting the candles, nevertheless the Rema is explicit that other members of the household are not impacted by her lighting.^[5] Interestingly, R’ Moshe Shternbuch^[6] records that the practice of R’ Chaim Soloveitchik was to avoid any prohibited work in the home after the woman of the home lit the candles. He compared this to that which the Shulchan Aruch^[7] writes that the minority of a town is dependent upon the majority’s acceptance of Shabbos and by extension this applies in a private home as well, as it is untenable that for some it is Shabbos and for others it is not. In summation, the mother’s candle lighting does not obligate all the members of the home, but according to R’ Chaim the family members should not perform melacha in the home after the candles are lit.

The question of a husband’s acceptance of Shabbos impacting the family is not mentioned explicitly in Shulchan Auch and it is a matter of debate among the Achronim. The Chavos Yair^[8] assumes that once a woman accepts Shabbos the other members of the household are forbidden to do melacha. However, R’ Moshe Feinstein^[9] writes that fundamentally the husband’s acceptance of Shabbos does not obligate his wife.^[10] Nonetheless, he then points to the aforementioned Psak of the Shulchan Aruch that the minority is forced to follow the majority, but that applies only to those individuals who belong to a particular Shul, but if one belongs to a different Shul where they daven later, he is not pulled along with the majority who accepted Shabbos early.^[11] R’ Moshe wonders if this applies to a woman who does not normally daven in Shul on Friday night, or who davens in a different Shul than her husband: is she bound by her husband’s Kabbolas Shabbos? R’ Moshe suggests that it would depend upon the reason one accepts early Shabbos. If it is done for the purpose of the mitzvah of Tosefes Shabbos, it is then the husband’s minhag and she is bound by his acceptance as part of his Shul. However, if one accepts Shabbos so that they can eat the Shabbos meal at a decent hour, as many do during the summer months, in this instance a woman is not bound by her husband’s acceptance.^[12] However, being that this is not explicit in early Poskim, others believe that each individual accepts Shabbos on their own, and a husband’s Shabbos acceptance doesn’t impact his wife.^[13] This is the opinion of my father shlit”a, and for this reason he believes that family members at home may continue to do work after the father of the home has accepted Shabbos in Shul. However, the Shabbos candles should be lit before the husband returns home. This is based on the gemara^[14] that on Friday night everyone is escorted home from Shul by two angels, one good and one bad. If the table is set and the candles lit, the good angle blesses that everything should be in order the next week as well and the bad angel is forced to answer Amen. But if the house is not prepared for Shabbos, the evil angel says that it should be the same the next week and the good angel is forced to answer Amen. In order to be worthy of blessing, it is appropriate that the house be in Shabbos mode when the men return home from Shul.

[1] 263:10.

[2] 263:5.

[3] 12. See R’ Akiva Eiger d.h. D’lo, Shu”t Maharach Ohr Zarua 116.

[4] See Yabia Omer 9:24, who is emphatic that Sephardic women adhere to the view of the Rambam (Shabbos 5:1) to say the bracha prior to lighting the candles.

[5] However, the Pri Megadim (MZ 1) claims that a woman’s acceptance through Tefillas Maariv does in fact impact her family.

[6] Teshuvos V’Hanhagos 3:85.

[7] 263:12.

[8] Mekor Chaim 17.

[9] Iggros Moshe 3:38.

[10] R Moshe does raise the possibility that it would be prohibited for a woman to perform melacha on behalf of her husband after his acceptance of Shabbos.

[11] Mishnah Berurah 12.

[12] See Shevet Halevi 7:35 who disagrees with R’ Moshe’s distinction and he feels that a woman is bound by her husband’s acceptance.

[13] See Teshuvos Minchas Yitzchak 1:24.

[14] Shabbos 119b.